


Cats in Hats

by psychosomatic86



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cat's look so cute in hats, Cute enough for a picture..., Hats for Cats, Knit fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 17:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2820665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychosomatic86/pseuds/psychosomatic86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil has knit a special Christmas present for Khoshekh and his kittens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cats in Hats

**Author's Note:**

> *punches self*
> 
> This was supposed to be a drabble.
> 
> I have failed myself.
> 
> Ah well, enjoy it anyway!
> 
> Also this was inspired by a post from sexybaldwin on Tumblr. You have her to thank for this inanity.

“ _Ugh_ , last one.”

Cecil cracked his knuckles before picking up the double points and casting on another forty eight stitches. He divided them evenly among the needles and completed the half inch ribbing within five minutes.

He set the work down and sifted through the remaining bells, tassels, and miniature lights on the coffee table. There wasn’t much selection left, so Larry Leroy would just have to make due with only three bells and four bulbs. There were still plenty of beads, though, and he picked out several that would fade from a deep purple to a light grey as he worked them into the stitches.

The yarn and needles flew and he attached the beads with astounding speed. Forty five minutes later, he broke the string, pulled it through, grabbed his darning needle to sew the bells onto the brim of the hat, then tossed it into the pile next to him.

He leaned his head back onto the cushions and cracked his fingers again before bringing them up to rub his sore eyes. He slowly blinked them back open and looked at his watch.

_1:12_

_“Uuuugh,”_ he sighed, then added to no one in particular, _“worth it.”_

He sat there for a few more minutes, contemplating whether he should try to make it to bed or just crash on the couch.

_“Mmmm….. couch.”_ He decided and curled into the fetal position, snuggling against the warm little hats he would surprise the kittens with tomorrow. There was a muffled jingling as he shifted to get comfortable and he tossed his needles and yarn to the floor before patting his hand on the table behind him to turn off the lamp.

He sighed as the world behind his eyelids went dark and promptly fell asleep.

*

“Good morning kittens!” Cecil sang as he peeked into the men’s room.

Caecus and Tantibus were still asleep but Larry Leroy, Tenebrae, and Mortem were awake and released an unholy volley of hissing, staticky meows. This caused their siblings to crack their eyes open and Cecil cooed at their sleepy blinking.

“Merry Christmas darlings!”

His cheery greeting was met with indifferent stretching. Larry Leroy, however, twisted to rub Cecil’s outstretched hand and his limbs flailed in the air as he did so.

“Aww, that’s my good boy.” He gave the kitten a delicate scratch behind the ears before digging around in his plastic shopping bag.

“Here we are!” He pulled out the cerulean hat and Larry Leroy was immediately mesmerized by the blinking white lights and tinkling bells. He reached out his paws, pupils dilating to enormous, black saucers, and a low, sticky rumbling emanated from somewhere deep in his throat.

“Ah-ah!” Cecil tutted and pulled the delicate stitches away from his needle filled paws. “This goes on your head, silly, now hold still.”

He set his bag down and the kitten scrambled closer, his forepaws swimming in the air. Cecil laughed as Larry Leroy bumped against his hip and patted his head.

“Okay, well, let’s hope it fits.”

The other kittens watched intently as Cecil worked Larry Leroy’s ears through the slits on either side of the bonnet and fitted the rest of the brim so it sat comfortably above his eyes. The cat pawed at the hat as if protesting the addition to his head but quickly discovered this movement made the adorned bells jingle. He swatted again and the silver and gold orbs chimed and rang. Cecil giggled with delight at the kitten's inanity and laughed aloud as Tenebrae floated closer to her brother and joined in on the new game.

“I have one for you, too, Tenny!”

The kitten paused her boxing match with Larry Leroy’s head and looked at Cecil with onyx pupils ringed in diamond blue iris.

“Such a lovely girl deserves an even lovelier hat!” He knelt and rummaged in the bag and she pawed at his head while she waited.

“Look, Tenny, isn’t this perfect!” He held up a bonnet of rich aquamarine color. The miniature silver bells and beads spiraled in a pattern of oceanic waves while the lights hummed in sharp, phosphorescent hues.

Tenebrae’s eyes were all pupil now and she refused to even blink having been utterly hypnotized by her beautiful gift. She reached both of her paws forward, her claws extending and retracting as she kneaded the air, and bowed her head slightly as Cecil fitted it over her ears.

As soon as he’d adjusted the brim, she turned back to Larry Leroy, who was still obsessing over the bells, and swatted his hind legs. He looked back and Tenebrae lifted her chin in a haughty gesture.

Cecil left them alone to battle out who had the fancier hat, and attended to the others who were squirming with the anticipation of receiving their own.

_Misty grey yarn, one silver bell, white beads, lavender lights._

“Caecus, this one’s for you.”

_Deep black and forest green intarsia, no bells, no lights, silver beading on the brim._

“Mortem, I thought this one would match you perfectly.”

_Grey fading to black, deep red beads, one single bell ringing discordantly, black flickering lights._

“Tantibus,” Cecil cooed as he fitted the last hat, “you are an absolute terror to behold in this!”

She purred in agreement as did the rest.

Cecil stood back to admire them. They were all wiggling about in their fixed positions, trying to see their siblings’ bonnets all the while batting at their own and hissing contented static.

A low rumbling sounded and he looked over to see Khoshekh eyeing his children with a look not unlike jealousy.

_“Oh sure, Khoshekh,”_ Cecil teased, revealing one last hat in his bag, “like I would forget _you_.”

The cat’s single eye narrowed in happiness as Cecil showed him the cap. It was a deep plum color with black, glassy beads swirling in vicious spirals all over. Like Tantibus’s, the brim was also studded with black lights and discordant bells.

Like father like daughter, Cecil thought as he tucked Khoshekh’s ears through the slits and pushed the brim back up.

“Oh my stars!” He squealed, clapping his hands together, “You all look so neat! I wish Carlos could see this!”

He sighed, knowing this would be impossible and Caecus stretched as far as he could from his fixed spot to paw at his arm.

“Aww, hi sweety,” he scratched the kitten’s chin, “I’m glad you like your present!”

Caecus mewled in reply and swiped his paw at Cecil’s pocket.

“Ah,” Cecil laughed, “Cici what are doing?”

Caecus stopped, looked up, then turned to the others and hissed. They all stopped what they were doing (Larry Leroy paused mid bite of Tenebrae’s ear) and looked at him. Caecus hissed again and let out a rumbling yowl. They all seemed to understand whatever Caecus had said in whatever cat language he was speaking because all attention was suddenly directed at Cecil’s pocket.

The next closest kitten was Larry Leroy and he assisted his brother in swatting at Cecil.

“Ah! What? What’s wrong? Oh!” Caecus had swung a heavy paw and succeeded in batting Cecil's cellphone to the floor.

“Cici!” The radio host scolded as he picked up the phone but the rest of his chastisement was cut off as a succession of growling meows bombarded him.

“What has gotten into you all?” Cecil called over their ruckus. He made to put his phone away and every cat let out a simultaneous yowl.

“AH! What?!” He pulled the cellphone back out and the angry yowling was replaced with ardent mewling. Cecil raised an eyebrow at the odd behavior and moved the phone back towards his pocket.

Like clockwork, they all let out an angry hiss. He yanked it away and their pupils went from almond slivers to dinner plates.

He moved it again and was met with the same response.

He was starting to understand.

“You - you _want_ me to take a picture?”

Whether or not they understood from his actual question or the way he motioned to his phone was unclear but, either way, they all erupted into a purring mass that Cecil took as a “yes”.

“But, I can’t! You most of all know the dangers of taking pictures of cats! I mean, remember what you did to Daniel?!”

Khoshekh let out something that sounded like a snicker and the kittens narrowed their eyes in self-satisfaction. They all replaced the looks with begging stares and Cecil’s heart melted.

“No!” He shook his head. “I can’t, I just - I love you all very much and I trust you, of course, I just don’t want to die - _don’t you roll your eye at me Khoshekh!”_

The cat growled and Cecil changed his tone.

“I mean, are you sure? I’ll be safe? I won’t get hurt?”

Larry Leroy gave a playful nip to his hand and immediately licked the invisible wound. Cecil patted his head, making the bells on his hat jingle, and sighed.

“Well,” he looked at his phone and back at the cats. They all looked so peaceful, so kind, so reassuring, _and so damn cute in their little hats_! If they were telling him it was safe, why shouldn’t he?

“Okay, you win.” He held up defeated hands and smiled as they smiled. “But if I die, just know that no one will make you anymore hats, got it?”

They purred in reply and he laughed.

“Alright, well, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I want it to be perfect. Tenny, try to stay here.” He pushed her back a little but the resistance that held her in place tugged so he left her where she was.

“Larry Leroy, you go over by your daddy.” Larry Leroy had a wider range to float about and he happily paddled his paws as Cecil guided him next Khoshekh.

“Tanti, you’ll go in front of daddy. Cici, next to Tanti, and Mort, you go between Tenny and Larry Leroy.”

He stepped back.

_“Mmm…”_

He scooted Larry Leroy a few inches to the right and looked again.

“Perfect!” And then his nerves ignited.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, squeezing his phone tightly in his now clammy hand.

“You promise I won’t get hurt?”

The kittens squeaked and Khoshekh seemed to nod.

Cecil breathed out and lifted his phone.

“Okay, but I’m not going to look just in case.”

He held the phone as steadily as he could and made sure the angle was just right before he looked away.

“Okay, on the count of three. One.”

He glanced at the camera and quickly turned away.

“Two.”

He shut his eyes but kept his grip steady.

_“Three!”_

He tapped the shutter button and flinched.

Nothing.

He cracked his eyes open to see the kittens purring contentedly and Khoshekh wearing something of an _“I told you so”_ look.

He looked at his phone. It was intact and the picture was…

It was perfect.

“Neat!” He gushed as he showed them but they were already dissembling back into feline antics; the kittens battling each other for the title of who had the best hat and Khoshekh closing his eye indicating he wanted to sleep.

Cecil’s shoulders un-tensed and he smiled at the picture.

“Thanks you guys.”

Khoshekh cracked his eye open, blinked quickly, and shut it again.

Cecil wasn’t sure if that was meant to be a wink but he took it as such as he gathered up his bag and headed for the door.

He admired the picture as he walked to his studio, even showing Intern Phyllis who recoiled in horror and rushed to the bathroom to wash out her bleeding eyes.

Cecil merely shrugged and put it down as being that she just wasn’t much of a cat person. In any case, he couldn’t wait to show Carlos.

**Author's Note:**

> So taking pictures of cats isn't always deadly. But the actual picture of said cats isn't always safe either.


End file.
